What's on your mind?

[matt walker]

[SilverFlame819]

You're probably one of the healthiest 20-somethings around, Matt. I reckon you'll have that fence finished in no time... if you don't yet already.

[SilverFlame819]

Frustrated frustrated frustrated today. The RV won't start. I'm just about at my throwing-in-the-towel point. My only friend who is a car guru told me, "That sucks, good luck," when I told him about the problem it is having. I'm so sick of shitty friends. That will be the last time I contact him. That was the icing on the cake for me when it comes to him.

I told the landlord yesterday that I was planning on being out at the end of April... That will give me my April rent money to throw at the RV. I'm just furious with it at this point. I feel like I'm trying and trying and trying and just getting nowhere... Getting shit on by the universe. If there's supposed to be a message in this somewhere, I've obviously missed it.

[mannytheseacow]

Perhaps the message is "let go of your attachment", be it the rv, freedom from the room mate, the life you want to lead, or whatever it is you might be after... Let life take you where it may.

"Do you see the way that tree bends? Does it inspire?"

Or perhaps you've run a string of bad luck....

[matt walker]

Ugh, bummer. Sorry dude.

I finished my last bit of fencing today...or, well, last of this current round. I've got a few more sections already planned, but I'm going to stop for a few weeks I think and focus on getting the garden in. So nice here! Feels like spring for sure, it's hard to come inside and type. Well, not that hard right now, I'm beat!

[SilverFlame819]

I wondered the same thing, Manny. So I was like - Come on, universe, throw me a bone here! And within 10 minutes, I had a friend's boyfriend arrive on the scene to help me fix the issue... And about 30 seconds before he pulled into the driveway, one of my customers walked up and asked me if I was wanting to sell the RV. *lol* Thanks, universe, that was MUCH clearer, throwing both options at me at once! She's getting fuel, but not fire. I wanted to give her a full tune-up, but wasn't expecting to do it before I even got her plates. Very frustrating! So I'm going to pick up all the crap for a tune-up this morning... Plugs and wires and whatnot... See if that makes her happy. I just need things to start working in my favor for once. I'm getting negative signs at every turn, and it is burning me out. Every time I think an option looks good, it gets shot down, so I figure I've just gotta choose one and stick with it, which is why I bought the RV. But damn, was I ready to throw in the towel yesterday. One of those so-damn-frustrated-I-just-want-to-cry kind of days. Those REALLY suck. But at the moment, the RV is still my best option, so... Doing what I gotta do at this point.

The boys have said that I am always welcome to stay longer, and if shit comes up in the future, I'm welcome to come back and crash here. The new dude moving in joked that as long as I kept doing the dishes, I could stay forever.

I am usually very good at taking whatever gets thrown at me in stride and working with it, but I just feel very worn thin the last year or so. Stressing for the first time in my life, being more sensitive and emotional. It SUCKS. I'm not used to that crap. I think I've just really got to get a grip, ground myself, and let go of the bullshit. My soul is still in mourning, and I'm having to deal with current shit, like the dog's medical issues and the RV not running, and trying to make a positive life change for myself despite it all... It feels like I'm running an obstacle course, but since my head isn't in the game, I keep getting cracked in the face.

I was so down yesterday that I spent an hour on Craigslist, looking at places for rent on the coast, and checking out cars for sale around here. Perhaps ol' Matty boy is right, and I should just say fawk it and jump ship... It's hard to do something like that though when you've got a dog whose medicine runs you over a hundred bucks a month, and a pile of debt that needs paid on. Money doesn't magically appear in my world. Working my ass off for pennies seems to be the norm. Trying to get it all done in a way that feels right. Some days though... Some days...

[matt walker]

Well, my take on it has always been that you can work for pennies where you don't want to be or work for pennies where you do want to be. Just go already, you'll land just fine. It's not even a day away. Wake up, drive, go to sleep where you want to be. Wake up, find a job. Done. See, how easy was that?

[pa_friendly_guy]

Sounds like you have really been going through some hard times Silver. I wish I had some words that could comfort you, but I don't have a magic pill to make it all go away, or the magic words to make it all better. Having had 3 heart attacks and a couple of strokes I can only tell you to live life every day, The good with the bad, the easy and the hard. You only get one chance, make the most of it while you are here. Every day I am thankful that I am still here, enjoy, relax, stop and smell the roses, life is indeed shot, enjoy it while you can. That is the best advise I can share with you today. BBBIIIGGG HHHUUUGGG !!!!

[SilverFlame819]

Thanks, Guy.

I think your way sounds great, Matt. I really need some of that positive thinking in my life! But the 4Runner was dead, so I sold it. That money went to Kedric's medical bills... And now the RV isn't running, so... What exactly am I going to drive to the coast? You offering me a ride? *lol* Maybe you could dump me on the beach... Then I'd wake up where I want to be. I hear the weather's great right now... I'd only weigh 10 lbs more in the morning from being water-logged. I don't want to get into this too much, I know it frustrates you. Let's just say that my progress is not at the tempo you are comfortable with... But at least I'm finally pulling my feet out of the wet cement. Only a few months left here. I know it's not days, but at least it's not years and I've got an end date in mind. I'll have some money to fall back on and most of my bills paid off by the time I leave here. That's my happy medium.

[SilverFlame819]

So, just got finished with a second round of antibiotics with my dog, and now he's suddenly sneezing, runny-nosed, glassy-eyed, running a fever, and doesn't want to eat. *sighs* Went in to the vet today for another urinalysis, and it's the same as all the rest, so the antibiotics didn't help whatever the issue is. We're thinking perhaps the beginning stages of Cushing's... But all these other sudden symptoms aren't making any sense. She's thinking his allergies are just making an appearance, and since he's feeling crappy coming off all the antibiotics, it is just making things worse. He got fluids and B12's, and now he's resting. I have to re-take his temp in a few hours, and see if it's come down at all. Hoping he'll start perking up with the fluids. Gonna try to tempt him into a tasty breakfast in an hour. I just need things to start going right.

My friend's mechanic-minded boyfriend came over to check out the RV. We went and got all the stuff I need for a tune-up. Put in a new rotor and distributor cap, and she fired right up. Now I just have to wait for a day that he has time to come over and finish the job... Spark plugs and wires and fuel filter... Still have to take it in to have the wiper fluid fixed, but my temp tags expire on it tomorrow, so I'll have to go back to the DMV for more of those before I can drive it anywhere. *sighs*

If the dog would just feel better, and I could get the motorhome done, my stress level would be infinitely lower.

I'm a big nerd, and I still have a Magic 8-Ball. You guys remember those from the 80's, right? Well, this damn 8-Ball always gives me the right answers. I ask it questions mostly as a joke, because come on... It's a Magic 8-Ball... But it's a fun coincidence (or not? *Twilight Zone music*) that it's always right. The other day I asked if if things were going to turn out according to my plan, and it said no. So I asked it if they were going to turn out better than what I was planning, and it said yes. Come on, Magic 8-Ball, don't fail me now!

Every time I get in the car, for the past few weeks, an Alice in Chains song is on the radio. Always a different song. It's very peculiar. Andy didn't believe me, so I called her the other night when I had the car, and Alice in Chains was on the radio. Today, on the way home from the vet, this was the one that was on...

And I agree... Something's gotta turn out right.