by SilverFlame819 » Sat Dec 10, 2016 2:04 pm
Oh, man. It SO DOES matter if I get somewhere. At least with this one, single goal. Journeys are good. But I'm not enjoying the scenery on this one. I've been battling this fucking riptide for way too long to let it drag me out and take me under. This goal needs to be reached. This is not one I'm content to ride until I die, never having reached it.
A friend of mine went back to the doctor over and over, for two straight years, before he finally got a doctor who had a clue, and turns out he had bladder cancer. And for so long, it almost took him out. He's on the mend now though. Just had to land that ONE doctor in a sea of morons to look at him and go, "Oh, those are your symptoms? Here's the answer."
I've been taking care of myself my whole life. I haven't been to a doctor in over 20 years. So the fact that this is coming now, when I'm just getting my shit together, is enough to just fucking knock the wind right out of my sails. Shit like this is why people turn to religion. To believe that there's a reason for everything, or that the shit we're thrown is a test. Not being a child of God myself, this just makes me want to scream. Life isn't fair, I realize, but come the fuck on. Can I get a break here? Something, anything?
I have no plans to become a medical guinea pig. I just need to find out what's causing my issues. I see a specialist on Wednesday, and if they don't have answers, my doctor plans to send me up the chain to neurology. Oh, goody.
Annnnnd, so as to not completely disrail the music train... Do you know Jaymes? He hails out of Seattle. I really dig him. I've been listening to a lot of his stuff lately. This is his only popular song. But I feel like I'm having this conversation with the universe lately, so this song has been in my head pretty steadily... "Let me be okay, I swear I'll be good and get my shit together..."